Kindermusik

I know I'm supposed to be working right now and not bloggin', but I got something on my mind. I think once I post I'll be able to concentrate on work more anyway.

You know, I was so excited about Kindermusik starting back last night for Fisher. We've done two semesters and he's absolutely loved it. We've been in the 6 months to 1 1/2 year class, though, so Fisher was the oldest in the class last semester. He could have moved up last Aug., but his teacher thought he would enjoy the class more if he stayed back one more semester, which was fine with me. I mean, I know that he's a little delayed in motor skills, etc., and I didn't want him getting run over in the bigger class. So you would have thought I would learn to prepare myself for these moments better, but it always takes me by surprise. It's so frustrating!! I'm not sure why I can't -- well, I guess I "can't" b/c I really concentrate on Fisher being who he is and try really hard not to compare him to others, which is usually ok, but it wasn't last night.

We're now in a class where all the kids are walking and running around, talking, etc. You get the picture. And, too, we're doing a class that I did with Ellie that was so much fun. I can now go back in my memories and remember what it was like when Ellie was in the class running around. They sing this song "Roll over, Rover" and the kids are supposed to get down and roll over. Well, Fisher doesn't roll over at all. I kind of had to force him, which wasn't easy. I mean, how did I miss this milestone? How have I not taught him to roll over. It just broke my heart. And then he's doing his little dancing thing when he sits on his knees and waves his little arms and swings his head back and forth saying "Mama, mama" and I'm trying to distract him so that he won't do that so that people won't look at him and think he's different. I'm so mad at myself for doing that. I'm not sure it's a good behavior that we need to continue, but it's him and is it wrong that I'm trying to get him to stop? I felt like I was taking something away from him by making him stop.

Thankfully, these moments are few and far between for me, but I do realize that I'm going to have them for the rest of my life with him. Things are going to be different for him and, quite frankly, I don't live in reality with him very much. I treat him like he's my sweet boy and try to not think about the things that he's got going on. That's the only way I can make it. I definitely couldn't live my life feeling the way I did last night or this morning. And, too, he's come such a long way and he's done so good that I feel guilty for feeling this way about him. He's such an awesome little guy that tries so hard to do everything that we teach him. It's not right that I get so upset when I'm in a room of kids that are doing so much more than he is when he's doing the best he can at what he does.

I'm glad that we don't have class this Monday. At least I'll have one more week to pull myself together before I do it again. He absolutely loves his music class and there's no way I wouldn't take him. It's been really good for him. So I'll just have to suck it up and get in a better frame of mind for the next time. At least I'll be better prepared!!

Thanks for listening.....